It's About To Get Personal Up In Here!

So... remember that last post? The one where I said I was going to try and update my blog more often. Well... that obviously didn't happen. Ooops! Perhaps someday I will be more ambitious with this thing.

A lot has happened since the last time I posted. In fact, the last time I posted I was pretty depressed. August happened to be our two year mark since Eric and I had started trying to expand our family. That's right, we were having unprotected sex people! With every day that passed I was starting to feel more and more like a failure. It seemed like the harder I tried to get over the fact that I sucked at making a baby the more bitter I became. I seriously hated facebook and all the people who kept posting things about how awesome and pregnant they were. And what sent me into an uber rage mode was when people would complain about how uncomfortable they were due to their pregnancy. I just wanted to tell them, "Do you have any idea how many other woman would kill to be that uncomfortable?" That may sound super witchy but that was how I felt. Eventually I got over it and was semi-happy for those that could do something that I couldn't.

I kept praying that Eric and I would be blessed with a baby. After months and months of doing that with no results I finally switched to praying for understanding. Understanding why I couldn't get pregnant. Understanding why crack heads and the woman Eric and I saw at a concert who was at least 8 months pregnant chugging a beer got babies but we didn't. Understanding for why I was so bitter and angry. When that understanding didn't come I eventually gave up. I hate to admit it but I cracked. What was the point of talking to someone who I felt wasn't even there? So then I became even more bitter. I was bitter towards other women that were pregnant, I was bitter towards God, and at times I was bitter towards Eric because he just did not seem to get why I was a wreck every month for 2 years.

So what did Eric and I do to try and combat my bitterness? We bought a Harley Davidson in August of course! Duh. I was bound and determined to forget about having a baby and start focusing on doing fun things with my hubs. Eric and I also started filling out applications for adoption. We knew it was going to be a long process so we started working on it right away. We even found a lawyer that had done adoption cases before. And since we were just focusing on us and adoption I went off of the awful fertility medicine I was on and quit tracking my cycle. 

Pretty soon after we bought our Harley, Eric left for the Police Academy in Douglas and I started school again. The weeks started passing by and summer was starting to fade away. Eric was only home on the weekends which was okay because I was pretty swamped with getting my classroom up and going. 

On September 15, 2013 I went to Laramie for a presentation at the University of Wyoming. On the 16th my teaching partner and I headed back to Gillette. The car ride home was awful because I felt like I was going to puke the entire time. I continued to feel sick for about 2 more weeks. I was convinced I just caught a bug from one of my germ carrying students so I didn't think much of it. My mom did though. She noticed I had been under the weather and told me to take a pregnancy test. I did the opposite. I bought tampons instead because I was starting to cramp and I just felt like my period was right around the corner.

After a few days of prompting from my mom I finally did it. I took a pregnancy test. Keep in mind, this was not the first test I had taken. That's probably why I put it off for so long. But I put on my big girl panties and took one anyways. I didn't even let myself get my hopes up because I knew that if I did the only thing that would end up happening was that I would be heart broken for another month. Imagine my surprise when I saw two dark pink lines indicating a positive pregnancy test!! I couldn't even move. I don't think I even breathed for a good 10 minutes. Finally Eric called up and asked what was taking so long. I pretended to be upset like all the other times. He of course acted all pissy like usual. He doesn't have much patience for my blubbering. I then took the test downstairs and showed him. He just kept asking over and over again if I was sure that the test was showing a positive. 

So to sum up this post, God chose to bless me much more than I deserve. I am now almost 22 weeks pregnant. :)