C-Section= Worst. Thing. Ever. But also the coolest thing ever because you get a cute little baby out of the whole ordeal!
Since that is now off of my chest I can get down to the nitty gritty. I thought I had an idea of what c-sections entailed but I was SO off. There are a lot of things people don't tell you about c-sections. Probably so that they can willingly lead you off to the operating room without a fight. So, I am here to reveal the true details. You have been warned.
1.) It's a little sad.
While this may not be true for some women, it was how I felt. Women are supposed to be built for having babies. You go into the hospital thinking that you will be able to uphold your womanly purpose and push a baby out. It is quite a shock when the doctors tell you that you cannot physically have a baby on your own. When my doctor told me that I immediately felt like a wimp. That feeling lasted for a couple of weeks and I still envy those who can have a baby the normal way. I do feel lucky that I live in this day and age though or else neither Easton or I would be here today!
2.) You feel like you are going to die.
Before I found out I had to get split open I got an epidural. Heaven. That's all I will say about that. So then when I had to get a c-section, they gave me even more numbing medicine. The medicine numbs you from your chest down. When they gave me that medicine I couldn't feel my lungs. I couldn't breath no matter how hard I tried to calm down and focus on breathing. I remember thinking, "I just went through 40 weeks of growing a human and now I am going to die and I won't even be able to hold my baby." Needless to say, I passed out, freaked my husband and the nurses out, and was immediately rushed into an emergency c-section.
3.) Ever been to a branding?
Mmmmmm the smell of burning skin. If you get a c-section be prepared for that! They cauterize your incision as they cut. I have to say, smelling your own burning flesh is not something I was quite prepared for. Especially since that was the first thing that greeted my senses when I finally came to. Sick.
4.) You probably won't remember the details.
The meds they give you will make you feel like you are walking through a fog. Eric has had to tell me multiple times all that happened once I was wheeled into the recovery room. I don't even remember feeding Easton for the first time. :( I have no idea if he latched on right away or how long he ate for.
5.) Milk of Magnesia ain't no joke.
This one is a little embarrassing but since we all poop I am going to write about it anyways. While I was enjoying my stay at the hospital the nurses kept bringing in shots of Milk of Magnesia. I didn't really think much of it. They told me to take it so I did. Well... they neglected to tell me to keep taking it after I got home. With a new baby and no sleep I didn't even notice that I hadn't used the bathroom for a few days. One night I sat on the toilet and felt like I could poop. Worst. Constipation. Ever. While I sat on the toilet and felt like death, Eric went to the store to buy me some Milk of Magnesia. I sat on the toilet for probably an hour. I was sweating and felt close to death. I was in so much pain that even having my clothes touch me hurt. So... there I was, sitting on the toilet... in just my bra. Next thing I know, my mother in-law is at the door knocking and asking if she could come in. At that point I didn't care who saw me, mainly because I was going to die like Elvis did so I thought I should say my goodbyes. Suzy is a massage therapist so she was showing me ways to rub my stomach to help me out. You are not close to your mother in-law until she coaches you on how to poop while you are sitting on the toilet sweating and in nothing but a bra. Let's just say, it was a long night and from that point on I doubled my dose of Milk of Magnesia.
6.) Functioning like a normal person is out of the question.
I was unprepared for the slouchiness I had to endure for six weeks. The first two weeks there is no way you will be able to stand up straight. After that, you can only stand up straight for short periods of time. A week and a half after I had Easton I had to go to a school meeting where I had the chance of meeting all of my new kindergartners and their parents before summer started. One of my teaching partners asked me why I was walking so funny... Not fun. It was really interesting when people started calling me the Hunchback of Notre Dame and gargoyles became my best friends.
7.) Let's just nap.
Total exhaustion does not even begin to cover how you feel for the first 6 weeks after a c-section. Not only are you tired from having a baby that does not sleep at night, but you are exhausted because your body is working overtime to try and heal itself. Eric and I would go for a walk around the block and it was all I could do not to lay down halfway through. Poor Eric. I don't think he had ever walked that slow in all of his life. My friend, who can push babies out like it's no big deal, called me 2 weeks after I had Easton and asked if I wanted to go walk around the fishing lake. I just laughed. I told her that going around the block almost killed me let alone going around a lake!
8.) I don't think my lungs are working.
I don't know what it is, but for the first few weeks it feels like you can't get enough air in your lungs no matter how hard you try. Going up a small flight of stairs would leave me out of breath like an obese 80 year old.
9.) That's not funny.
If you know someone who has just had a c-section, do not, I repeat, DO NOT make them laugh. It hurts, it hurts bad. So does coughing, sneezing, breathing, talking, moving, getting kicked by your tiny baby, and getting jumped on by one of your stupid dogs.
10.) Ummmm, this is not normal, is it?
My baby is about 3 1/2 months old and I can still feel the stitches underneath my scar. They staple your skin shut but they stitch up your uterus. They pull the staples out before you leave but the stitches have to disolve on their own. I have one that feels like it is going to poke through my skin at any given moment. It is pretty strange. I have been told that they will eventually go away. Who knows?
So there you have it, 10 lovely things they don't bother telling you about a c-section. At least next time I will know a few little tricks to help make it a little easier on myself! Oh and the next person to tell me that at least having my next baby will be so much easier because I won't have to go through labor, I may or may not punch them.
